Current mood:

contemplative

I am crazy in love.

I am having a hard time experiencing this time of year. February-March are generally terrible months and have become well, traditionally bad for the past 2 years. But, now that there is a reason for them to be bad I feel... like I want to be able to feel it. Only, I am so wrapped up in Josh and school I have not had any time to... pay my respects. To have my catharsis. I want to be able to reflect, and wallow, and miss.

It's silly, no? But I have learned much through suffering and don't really believe in a life without it.

This weekend, I suspend. It's good Josh won't be there. It's good that last year I was thinking of Anthony when I did it, while I was flying, while I was feeling alive, and thinking of him on a skateboard.

Being in love is wonderful, and it's the best relationship I've ever been in, because we both actually have what the other one wants instead of trying to force something out of each other.

It's good though, that I will have this, and Therese will be there, and I will be able to feel the pain without him there to dull it (ps there are actually studies that people can handle higher levels of physical pain when a loved one is around//  they feel it less// fear it less// it's pretty crazy)